Ruffles New Packaging

As far back as I can remember, Ruffles have had the same package. My memories seem to go back to 1987, when I would ride around with my grandma while she collected coins from her laundromats and as a treat I would get a quarter bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles from a vending machine. They are the most perfect of chips, flawless like a victory by Kung Lao over Cyrax.

This commercial pretty much sums up the perfect Ruffles era. And it still pisses me off because I cannot roll my tongue.



My world came crashing down last night at Target. Because Ruffles changed their package. What the sweet fresh hell is this?:




This looks like some generic dollar store/bodega isn. Seriously, what intern did they get to design this package? For shame Frito-Lay, why would you mess with perfection? The bag on the left is regal, classic, and makes me want to house these chips while crying about relationship problems drunk off my ass at 5AM (NOTE: that may or may not have happened like 5 years ago). The new bag makes me want to shop at a Dollar Tree. I mean, I will probably still buy them frequently, but the regality of the Ruffle is now lessened!

Random Song of the Day - A Good Woman Is Hard to Find by Morphine

It is nearly impossible in this day and age to not be able to own music. Years ago, in the stone ages before Napster, the only way to obtain music was to either tape it off the radio or purchase it. This led to many nights of me sleeping with KDWB or The Edge left on my crappy Emerson 3 in 1 record player hoping to catch songs that I either didn't want to purchase or couldn't purchase. I never will forget the night (probably in 1998 or so) when All for Love by Color Me Badd came on KDWB at 2AM and I managed to tape it. Why it was on that late or 5 years after it hit #1, I'll never know...but the gods were smiling on me that night.

For the longest time, I couldn't find the song A Good Woman Is Hard to Find by Morphine anywhere. I heard it on a Valentine's Day countdown on The Current about 10 years ago and dug it's skronky fucked up sax and strange semi crooned singing. The only things I really knew about the group is that Cure For Pain had been a Modern Rock hit here in Minneapolis in the early 90s but didn't chart anywhere else, and that BMG used to pimp out their albums for their record club when I was a member.

Later on I found out that the lead singer Mark Sandman suffered a heart attack and died onstage in 2000. I didn't even realize the band had been active that long. Their music always felt like it came out from some other time and place, sort of timeless but not of any particular place, if that makes sense. Not many bands really fit into that category (the only ones that pop into my head at the moment are CCR and the Band) but Morphine truly does.

The other day I finally got A Good Woman Is Hard to Find via an MP3 rip. One of my white whales has been conquered. Now if I could only get my hands on What Does It Take by Honeymoon Suite...

Random Song of the Day: Lost And Found by Brooks and Dunn

While driving back from a job interview yesterday, this gem came on a playlist on my iPod. I make a playlist a month and stock it with whatever strikes my fancy. This particular playlist had a lot of aggy rap (Boot Camp Clik and Company Flow) and random radio pop circa 1988 (Scarlett and Black's excellent You Don't Know in particular). In the middle of all this, the one country song that came up was Brooks and Dunn's 1992 single Lost and Found.

Lost and Found was the 5th and final single off their massive country album Brand New Man and was the first single to be released after Boot Scootin' Boogie, which was a #1 country and #50 pop hit, back when NOTHING country hit that high on the pop charts. So Lost and Found's #6 country chart placing seems like a bit of a letdown.

The thing for me that stands out about Lost, is the overall feeling of the song. I read once that certain songs can convey a feeling of nostalgia without specifically stating so in the lyrics. Prime examples of this are 1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins and Midnight City by M83. When I listen to Lost and Found's tale of looking for a runaway woman who can't be tracked down, I get the same wistful feels. Not too many songs do that for me without a specific memory tied to them. The only memory this song gives is summer evenings, which really doesn't make sense since the song peaked in popularity in the winter of 1993.

Anyways, see if this forgotten country great makes you feel the way that I do:

Billboard Hot 100 Week of 8/29 (AKA What Have, What Have, What Have I Done to Deserve This?)

Wow. Just wow. I decided to watch the entire chart sweet (100 to 1) for last week's Billboard Hot 100. Since I don't actively engage with top 40 as much as I used to (unless I am in the car with the fam and Cities 97 or KDWB is on), I felt the need to see just what the country considers hot. So, if you have 20 or so minutes to kill, you can do it too!



Some of the takeaways that I got from this particular Hot 100:

-Country music is in it's Jiggy Phase and that shit ain't pretty. To be fair, it seems like it is the Jiggy Phase crossed with 1980s hair metal. Nothing but partying, shitty tribal tattoos and live performance videos. Bro country has to be the worst era for any genre of music ever. The only song that truly sounded country was the Eric Church one, and maaaaaybe the Zac Brown Band song that reminded me of a Herb Ritts video

-What the hell is the deal with the weird Autotune voice effect with all the rappers not named Drake or J. Cole? How can someone find that endearing?

-Speaking of Drake, I think he has reached the tipping point. How many features can one man have? We are on some Nate Dogg in 2000 shit right now. Like Boy Meets Girl, I am waiting for the star to fall

-Fetty Wap just needs to go away. Dude has multiple songs in this countdown and not an iota of talent. I guess we know what white suburban kids dub thee Lil Wayne now?

-I know that Ed Sheeran gets a lot of flack, but compared to most of the shit on here, he sounds like the goddamn Beatles

-The best thing I heard was in the Omarion song where the chick says (and I am probably paraphrasing) "You beta eat dat ass like groceries". I guess Gawker was right, we are truly living in a golden era of butthole munching

-The Weeknd is so far ahead of other R&B in the talent and visuals area it isn't fair. Seriously, it shocks me that someone this fucked up is hugely popular (two singles in the top 5). I guess true talent and pop song craft sometimes does rise to the top?

-The top 20 portion of the chart sounds nothing like the rest of the chart. If I were running the charts, I would recalculate the formulas so the bottom half isn't just Bro Country and Shit Hop. It seems like it's ghettoized into that area, with the poppier stuff rising to the top of the pops

-'Cheerleader' and 'Can't Feel My Face' probably would have been hits in any era they were released

If I can, I think I will do a comparison to the Hot 100 from like 20 or 30 years ago to see what the music of that time was like. I cannot imagine it being any worse than this.

MTV VMAS 2015 (AKA The Danny Glover Memorial Awards for Me)

When I was a kid, the VMAs were the gangsta shit. My family didn't have cable until 1994, so I had to stay up super late and watch the VMAs when they were rebroadcast on KITN 29 after MTV got done. We'd watch that shit as a family, and make Pizza Rolls and popcorn and errythang! So many awesome things, like Spike Jones bum rushing the stage as Nathaniel Hornblower, pretty much anything involving Nirvana, Pearl Jam, or Guns N Roses, and Chris Rock shitting all over everyone.

And now we get Miley Cyrus with balloons on her jubbs...

I turned on the VMAs 20 minutes late, but honestly, does it matter? I get the feeling that I am like Danny Glover when it comes to these things, I am too old for this shit. So I made a running list of the things I saw on the show that confused and or bothered the crap out of someone born when AM radio was still a viable medium:

-Miley Cyrus and Nikki Minaj get into some sort of maybe scripted beef about something Miley may have said. Nikki also may have been on Molly, whatever that is

-Rebel Wilson with a shirt that says "FUCK THE STRIPPER POLICE" doing a really unfunny monologue. MTV didn't seem to realize that this shirt was going to be worn, and couldn't blur it out. Even though they did it with all of Snoop's and Dre's weed leaf stuff in the (or tha) Nuttin But a G Thang video 22 years ago.

-A commercial for not smoking cigarettes with the hashtag It's a Trap, which MAY be an Admiral Ackbar reference but I am not 100% sure it isn't something a Kardashian said. There was also a unicorn who puked on a chick smoking a hookah. If this is advertising now, I am glad as hell I didn't go into my chosen field after college.

-Miley Cyrus in some sort of skit with her Achy Breaky Dad and two rappers I didn't know making drug references. Miley also said "fuck" and "Shit" a bunch. God, so EDGY!

Apropos of nothing, here is a nice image of Miley about to be entered from behind by Robin "Beetlejuice" Thicke from the 2013 VMAS!



-Biebs started crying for some reason after he preformed a dubstep joint. My wife had heard the song on the radio multiple times and thought that the dude singing on it was not white. I think we may be entering a new era of Biebs being a modern Michael McDonald.

-Big Sean getting an award for some sort of changing society video, yet we don't see the video. NOTE - Big Sean may be the most normally dressed person on the show besides Kanye.

-Yet ANOTHER fucking Miley Cyrus drug reference...seriously, we get it. You like drugs, you like to do them with Snoop. Isn't weed fucking legal everywhere now so people like Miley don't have to use it as a signifier of cool? Man, I can't wait until weed becomes like booze and isn't edgy. But then, what will be? Maybe gas huffing or whippets or some drug that I don't even know about? God, I hope it's not meth...

-Kylie Jenner is NOT the transexual one! Why couldn't they get the transexual Jenner, she is ON FLEEK (or so I've heard).

-Some girl dressed in leopard print with a guitar showed up on stage to sing a song that sounds like it could have came out in like 1999. This is LITERALLY the first instrument on the show so far. Upon further review, this lady is named Tori Kelly and is 10 years younger than I. At this point, she might as well be Joan Jett or the fucking Bangles because I am shocked I'm seeing a woman with a guitar on MTV.

-There was a commercial for something called White Squad which may or may not have been real. I think it was ripping on white entitlement, but once again, I am glad as hell I went into Project Management and not copywriting in 2007. Everything seems like it's an Ad Council spot written by someone who took way too many women's studies classes.

-Tay Tay Swizzle said the first album she ever bought was The College Dropout when she was 12, and it was on iTunes. I bought that same album when I was 20 years old, in college, used, at a Disc Go Round location that no longer exists.

-Man, what the fuck was Kanye talking about? "I will die for the art"? I love Kanye the Music but hate Kanye the Megalomaniac Jesus Complex Having Crazy Person. The Kanye speech sounds straight up like your drunken uncle rambling on about how he doesn't understand why hair metal isn't cool anymore and why he's single at the age of 45. And to cap it all off, Kanye is going to run for president in 2020. I hope his running mate is Jamie Foxx or Killa Cam and then they can sing Gone or Gold Digger on a whistle stop tour.

-Something named Fetty Wap is beating Vance Joy very badly in an fan vote contest. Fetty Wap has one of the worst songs I've heard this year in Trap Queen, all sorts of auto tune and off key shit and mumbled rhymes. Vance Joy has Riptide which is inoffensive and contains a great line about his girl being hot as Michelle Phiffer. I have a feeling that if music is going the Wap route and not the Joy route I am going to be playing a lot of thrift store LPs, and may even branch out into swing and ragtime music. Because that has to be better than Fetty Fucking Wap.

-Weed reference from Miley again. This has to play well with the Hannah Montana crowd or something, right?

-Skateboard P has become like the Neil Diamond elder statesman of this shit, singing about Freedom and being happy and being pretty damn smooth. Actually, I would love to see a Neil/Pharrell duet now that I think of it.

-I find it ironic as hell that the Artists to Watch category doesn't give us anything to watch. It's not like we are watching a fucking VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS show or something. Oh shit, Fetty Wap won. Time to go buy some Glen Miller joints.

-Miguel is here but not preforming, which is the opposite of winning the sexy ass lottery. Twenty One Pilots and A$AP Rocky are instead. I bought the A$AP Rocky album because it was hailed as some sort of masterpiece and it really sucked besides like three songs, one of which was about Fucking Problems and another was an aggy dub step joint about wiling out. As for the other group, I think Twenty One Pilots are a white Christian rap group or something. Anyways, the performance was horrid, bringing Rap-Rock's batting average down to .003 since hitting a home run with Epic in 1990.

-Tay Tay Swizzle wins the video of the year award with Kendrick Lamar, which was presented by O'Shea's Sr and Jr. COMPTON REPRESENT! I wonder how many in the audience felt that Death Certificate was Cube's best album? It really seemed like more of a Kill At Will or Lethal Injection crowd, truth be told.

-Miley is closing out the show dressed as a cross between Wendy O Williams from the Plasmatics and a Level Boss from Banjo Kazooie. She has cursed a bunch from the sounds of it, as every other word it totes censored. There are also drag queens in thongs and costumes that look like Bob Holly's ring gear when he was Sparky Plugg. Fuck this shit, I'm going to bed.

There you have it. The only highlights for the entire event were The Weeknd and maybe the Tori Kelly chick. Otherwise, I may just watch a rebroadcast of the first VMAs or something next year because I get that. I just wasn't made for these times I guess.

Jabadoo, Delahoohoo (AKA A Treatise on Adam Sandler or Dying Young Like Ke$ha)

My two year old has been running around the house lately making random noises. It reminds me of the career of Adam Sandler.

Sandler, if you don't remember, was once funny. Up until about the time cable internet came to high society, Sandler was making movies that made the average person laugh. Granted, the random "jabadoo" shit he did 1/3rd of the time rubbed many the wrong way. But movies like "Happy Gilmore" and "Billy Madison" are genuinely funny films that still can make a 32 year old man chortle.

While making tacos and listening to a two year old do the greatest hits of someone worth a small countries GDP made me think. What would have happened if Sandoo would have died after filming, say, Little Nicky? Would we think of Sandler like some think of Chris Farley? A comedic lightning bolt that flew across the sky on a trail of humor and coke?

I think that if Sandler had passed in 1999, most would have held his works in higher regard. Many hold folks like Kurt Cobain or James Dean as paradigms of burning out and not fading away. When an artist dies young, there is no flabby middle period or long, slow fat Elvis period. Sandler had both, and hasn't made a watchable movie since, I don't know, Click?

NOTE: I find Click watchable for two reasons 1) Kate Beckensdale runs around in boy shorts and 2) It made me cry when I was REALLY hungover and saw it on HBO like 10 years ago

Point being, Neil Young really did have it right. It's better to be a bright shining star and to burn out and fade away than make a huge piece of shit like Pixels.

Brrrrrraaaaappaadooo

I am super amped up, for I get to watch pro wrestling live and in person tonight. More specifically, I get to watch WWE Raw, and it's the Go Home (AKA last) show before their SummerSlam Pay Per View. So it's going to be dope.

Pro wrestling is something that is looked down on by the majority of polite society. And honestly, it's pretty hard to hold something up as a paradigm of high entertainment with shit like this going on:



My reaction to that was the opposite of polite society. Where most would say "well I never", I would say "it is awesome that those dudes super kicked an 8 year old. So heel!" Maybe it's because I'm Minnesotan and like 9/10s of the wrestlers from the 80s and 90s came from the cities directly around me. Maybe it's because I delivered Mr. Perfect's Brooklyn Park Sun-Post when I was a paperboy in the 90s. I don't know exactly why, but I know that I am drawn to wrestling's mix of theatre and athletic contest.

Anyways, it's going to be a beautiful night. And then I will go on the message boards and bitch, piss, whine and moan about the fact that my favorite wrestlers aren't getting pushed properly. Such is life...